My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
