why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
