You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
