i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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