remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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