just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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