Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
