i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
