Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
