he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
