I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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