jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
