I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
