I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
