You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
