maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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