we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
