I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
