I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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