so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
