I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
