Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
