Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
