Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
not ubering you a puppy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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