Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we should paint friendship bongs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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