seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms