I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly