What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
