I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.