omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick