You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?