i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.