So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.