Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome