I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Every concussion has its silver lining
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
