i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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