The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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