I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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