were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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