OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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