addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
nutella sex= disaster
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
