I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
