The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
