Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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