I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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