Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
