My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
