Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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