So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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