dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
