I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
