So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
