Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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