Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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