If that was your dad, he is hot
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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