im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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