I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.