My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.