The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.