he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog