youre lurking in front of me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
