I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
how drunk are you?
Several
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
