i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
