I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
