Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
