She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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