Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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