Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
