dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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