Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
