Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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