Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
