Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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