I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
