I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
