"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
