I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize